Category Archives: Shaggy Writes

When I was younger, there were a few things I believed regarding the Rules & Laws we were told.

Belief 1: NO STANDING ON YOUR DESK.

The logic:
I’m not even sure HOW this one came up in class. It was kindergarden (preschool), and we we’re all told, ‘NO STANDING ON YOUR DESK’.

Simple enough, it’s just not safe I suppose.  And being a young law abiding kid, I followed this rule to a tee.

SO, when my TEACHER of all people was standing on a desk to fix a light bulb or something, I brought the law down on her SO fast, with all the fury of a 5 year old, yelling “HEY! GET OFF THE DESK!”

Conclusion:
I got in trouble… I suppose classroom rules don’t apply to teachers. (didn’t even appreciate I was trying to save her life… whatever)

Belief 2: DON’T DRINK AND DRIVE.

The logic:
We all saw the ads on tv.  MADD (Mothers Against Drunk Driving) showing the outcome of drinking and driving. It was pretty much a catch phrase of it’s time. “Don’t drink and drive.”

So WHEN we went to a McDonalds Drive-through, and my dad had the AUDACITY to sip his Cocacola, WHILE driving…

I was shocked.

Sure, I could call-out my teacher for breaking the law, by my own flesh and blood father?

I didn’t speak a word for the rest of the ride. I just wondered how long it would take before the police found us. We we’re outlaws now.

Conclusion:
I had no I idea what alcohol actually was as a kid. Though from the cartoons, it did look fun.

"SKUMPS!!!"

—

So there you have it, fairly logical childhood beliefs on rules and laws.

And if you guys have any misinformed childhood Rules and Laws beliefs, I’d like to hear them in the comments below.

Misinformed Childhood Meteorological Beliefs
Misinformed Childhood Nerdy-Movie Beliefs

- S

… A ROBOT PILOT!

"I AM THE COOLEST!"

Well, at least it feels like it.

::BACKSTORY::

This is the first time, in my years of living downtown, that I’ve fully embraced the bicycle as my primary means of transportation. In the past I’ve bought subway metro passes ($120 a month), I’ve bought subway tokens ($2.75 – $3.00 each), by golly, I’ve even walked, BUT NO MORE!

I, am a cyclist.

Ok, onto the ‘robot pilot’ part.

First of all, my bike is a transformer, which is where I initially drew the robot pilot comparison from.

Well, ok, it’s actually more like this:

But hey, one can dream. Now, you know how in those mech games, you’re constantly upgrading your mech? New armour, guns, thrusters? Well today, I just made my first upgrade. SAFETY LIGHTS!

BAM!

Now on initial observation, this may all seem quite… pedestrian (is that the right word?) Nothing too exciting about adding a light, or a bell to a bike that just happens to fold up and fit in your closet, right?

WRONG!

For as any good giant robot pilot would say about upgrades… “why stop at blinking lights?”

… now you’re getting it.

When I was younger, there were a few things I believed regarding the weather.

Belief 1: IT’S DANGEROUS TO TAKE A SHOW DURING A LIGHTNING STORM .

The logic:
a) kids are always told not to be outside in a lightning storm, or they’ll get struck by lightning
b) it (often) rains during lightning storms
c) showers involve falling water (just like rain)

Conclusion: If you take a shower during a lightning storm, you will get struck by lightning… in the bathroom… via the shower head.

That is a TERRIFYING notion! I stuck to my guns and avoided showering at these times for my safety.

However, what shattered this belief was: Honestly? I don’t think my childhood theory has been disproven yet.

Belief 2: AT THE END OF WINTER, ALL THE SNOW FLOATS UP INTO THE SKY.

The logic:
a) In the winter, there is snow
b) In the spring, there isn’t snow.
c) … where the hell ELSE would it go?

Conclusion: When spring comes around, the snow on the ground (and anything caught in it) magically floats upwards into the sky.

What added to this theory was, before one winter, I forgot one of my TMNT KRANG robot arms in the back year. It snowed. The snow went away. The arm was gone.

However, what shattered this belief was: Bill Nye the Science Guy

Check these fats beats, and learn ur science!

I know it’s about rain, but evaporation/condensation/precipitation still applies (It’s actually interesting how I wasn’t too far from the truth).

—

So there you have it, fairly logical beliefs of how the weather worked.

And if you guys have any misinformed childhood meteorological beliefs, I’d like to hear them in the comments below.

- S

When I was younger, there were a few things I believed when watching movies.

Belief 1: SUPERMAN’S CAPE IS WHAT ALLOWS HIM TO FLY.

The logic:
a) Superman can fly
b) no one else can fly
c) Superman has a cape
d) no one else has a cape

Conclusion: When wearing his magic red cape, Clark Kent can fly as Superman, and as such, SUPERMAN’S CAPE IS WHAT ALLOWS HIM TO FLY.

Fortunately I didn’t extend this logic to “CAPES allow EVERYONE to fly”, as I probably would have jumped over the 2nd floor bannister wearing a towel to prove that point.

However, what shattered this belief was: when General Zod and his crew showed up and were flying all-about WITHOUT the need of a cape. Them also being from Krypton, it just wouldn’t make sense that Clark would need a cape while Zod didn’t.

What a dick.

Belief 2: ONLY JEDI CAN USE LIGHTSABERS.

The logic:
a) Obi Wan states that the lightsaber is the weapon of a Jedi
b) in Star Wars: A New Hope, only Jedi are seen using lightsabers (Obi Wan, Luke, Vader)
c) Jedi have a connection to ‘The Force’ which no one else does

Conclusion: The Force is required to generate the power of a lightsaber, and as such, ONLY Jedi can use lightsabers.

Sound logic from a 8-year-old me, right?

However, what shattered this belief was: HAN SOLO YOU ASSHOLE!

In The Empire Strikes Back, when Luke is dying out in the snow, Han grabs Luke’s lightsaber, lights up that bad boy, and goes to town on the dead Tauntaun like it was any tool in an outdoors-man’s camping kit. Kinda ruined the mystique of the lightsaber for me as a kid, like, why is it so special if ANYONE can use it?

So there you have it, fairly logical beliefs of how things that don’t exist work, only to be disproved by other characters in the non-existing universe itself.

And if you guys have any childhood movie beliefs, I’d like to here them in the comments below.

- S

It’s 3 in the morning, do you know where your sleep is?
… ’cause I sure don’t know where’s mine. So here’s some thoughts instead:

I’ve never really been a PC gamer.

Many of my friends can regal us with great tales of Mech Warrior battles, or Tie Fighter strategies, but me? Nope. Console all the way, baby. NES to now.

Firstly, I grew up with a Mac. I believe it was a Centris 650, or, 68040 something, running… Mac OS 7? I was neither a computer smart nor adventurous kid at all. If the damn thing worked, that was good enough for me. I never attempted to crack open a computer and learn about things like RAM or graphic drives; at the rate we we’re going, it just didn’t seem necessary.

The notion of running Mac OS 8 one day was exciting, but it didn’t work out to well for us, as the printer stopped taking orders, so my dad changed us back to 7.

As far as computer entertainment went, my sister and I had the Kids Pix art program to mess around with, and a bevy of Lucas Arts adventure titles that we’d play so often, we could practically quote the whole game, alternative dialogs and all (if “It’s the door to Trixy’s trailer” means anything to you, you know what I’m talking about).

The most visually advanced game we ever owned would have to have been Rebel Assault II, the live action arcady Star Wars game (tell you more about that some other time… damn Mynocks).

It would be years before a Windows based computer came into our household. One day, my dad decided he needed a PC for his job, and we saw the opportunity to FINALLY play more recent Lucas Arts adventure games, like Monkey Island 3, 4, and Grim Fandango. No point in trying to see if this IBM laptop could handle shooters and such, the video game consoles we’re handling that just fine, from Goldeneye, to Halo.

But now, after all these years of just using PCs for point and click adventures, I finally feel I’ve been missing out on something. Not necessarily the PC exclusive games/genres, for there are plenty console games I have yet to try and probably never will and have accepted this fact; but more of the customability of PC games.

See, I was a huge fan of customization in games; from the simplest aspects of changing a character’s name in RPGs, to creating new wrestlers, designing stickers for cars or building maps for first person shooters. It seemed such a novelty in games, and it was. On the console that is.

"Kustomization" (waka-waka)

But on the PC, people had been modding games since they we’re released. Going into the code and changing textures, and weapon abilities, and sounds. People we’re creating their own armies in RTS titles. Hell, the closest I got to doing anything like that was changing the sounds the WarCraft 2 characters made when they were killed to burps and farts (it was the height of hilarity at the time).

And now, here I am. In an era where people claim PC gaming is dying, and yet I still see so much potential for experiences I’ve yet to have. I want to command massive armies with a left click, I want the precision of the mouse for the coveted head shot, I want to feel I can do more with a game than just playing it; CHANGING it. I want what people are so eager to preserve in this console focused industry.

But first, I gotta crack this PC open, and learn about RAM and graphics drives… cause this thing runs Portal like shit.

- S

Recently someone shared this video with me, a mini doc on the Ubisoft Toronto Studios. Check it out.

Now, back to the title of this post. THE NERF FIGHTS!

The MOMENT I’LL KNOW I’ve made it to my dream job, is when I’m in a place where a Nerf Battle can break out with little to no warning.

I have yet to be in such environment… though I did work in a place where a guy damn near suplexed another employee. That was interesting.