Category Archives: D.T.R.L.C.I.M.
I know that you’ve all missed me tremendously, but I’ve been on a two week hiatus due to the film festival.
As you may or may not know, I work for a film company, so I was roped into doing all sorts of “fun” tasks such as: manning a guest list for five hours, holding seats for cast, running from screening to screening to make sure they have all of the correct artwork and seating plans, yelling at people, getting yelled at, etc. etc.
Mornings, afternoons, evenings and weekends all blurred and became one long, horrid work day with no discernible end. But then it ended, and now I’m back to my usual 9 to 6, trying to catch up with all of my work. Ah, the joys of the film industry.
Because I don’t have the mental capacity or will-power to critique clothing (the horror!) or string together coherent sentences, please enjoy a couple of images that I drew for you at my desk. I had to keep covering them when my boss walked by, so you’d better appreciate!
A comparison of my mental and physical state on day one and day eleven of TIFF.
Dear readers, something you should know about me is that I bleed red, white and blue. Not from some sort of nationalistic American bent, but because I am a devoted Wonder Woman fan. Just last week I spent hours and hours moping around the Fan Expo dealer’s room because the Wonder Woman Bishoujo statue sold out before I got a chance to get my mitts on one. My apartment has Wonder Woman memorabilia wherever you look, and I even dressed up as the Amazonian princess for Anime North one year.
When I heard that Wondy was getting a revamp, I was filled with the rage of a thousand wet cats, and spent hours ranting and raving to anyone who would listen (no one) about the folly of jackets, straps, and, worst of all, goddamn pants. My outrage took me right to the store to buy the first issue, and as I glumly gazed at the cover I could only think: “how could they do this to you?”
Then I started reading. Lo and behold, the world did not end. Wonder Woman had a different costume because she was an alternate Universe version of herself – one Wonder Woman out of infinite possibilities, brought to being by a vengeful goddess named Nemesis. The more I read, the more I realized that losing the bespangled briefs didn’t make her lose who she is. She was still a kick-ass warrior lady with a mind like a steel trap and a mean right hook, now she just wore some pants. I even started to look at this whole business logically:
- A classic. No one’s complaining.
- Snazzy – you can’t go wrong with having part of the American flag on your ass.
- Perfect if she wants to go swimming with Aquaman after a long day of crime-fighting, but doesn’t have time to go home and change.
- They don’t convert well to eveningwear. What if she has a dinner date? Restaurants generally don’t allow that much thigh.
- If she sits on a leather or vinyl chair during the summertime, her thighs are totally going to stick and she’s going to get those weird red indents.
- Always has to keep her legs perfectly shaved.
- Provide good coverage so that her legs don’t get injured in battle.
- Shiny and reflective – might distract or confuse her opponents.
- Slimming – doesn’t have to worry if she had an extra cupcake or two after the Justice League meeting because she was tired and hungry and Batman went on forever.
- People are going to complain about them forever.
- Animal Rights activists are going to get on her ass about the leather.
- Chafing – after a roundhouse kick or two, I’m not sure how comfortable those things are going to be.
After sitting down and plotting it out so rationally I realized that those damn pants were growing on me like a little pants-wearing fungus.
I’m not ashamed to say it: I like the pants. Maybe I even LOVE the pants.
They seem practical, and why do lady superheroes have to show so much skin anyway? I mean, why do we basically only get to see Robin (ick) and Namor’s (ew) thighs? Maybe I’d like to see Captain America’s beefy haunches, or Superman’s bountiful, hard man breasts!
What I’m saying is, people, embrace the pants – they’ll be gone soon anyway!
As a fashionable young lady, I have certain expectations when it comes to my life. I have fashionable clothing, a modish apartment, a cat that is simply très chic, and a rather dashing twitter background. When it comes to video games, I expect that my virtual avatars be just as en mode as I am. Now I know that it’s too much to ask for to have Miu Miu breastplates, Gaultier hauberks and Jimmy Choo greaves, but sometimes I feel like – give me a break! Ladies, if you can’t stand spending hours as a dowdy or utterly outré leading lady, let me take the guesswork out of your next gaming purchase.
First up, a staple of nostalgic Generation Y’ers – Pokémon!
Now I’ll admit, not to toot my own horn, but I’m a bit of a Pokémaster. As soon as Pokemon Black was released, I trotted out in my Ferragamo booties to pick up a shiny new copy. You can imagine, however, the look of consternation on my face as soon as I started it up and discovered that, for the whole of the game, this was to be me:
Well, er, howdy y’all!
Now I know we’re in a recession, but do “I” really have to look like I woke up on the wrong side of the trailer park? Where on earth do I even start?
My eyes cannot seem to peel themselves away from that mangled abomination that barely covers her, ahem, lady area. I can hardly call those “cut-offs” since they look more like they were exploded from a pair of pants, rather than cut. Girl, if I can see the lining of your pockets poking out – your shorts are past the point of human decency.
Next – what is with the black wristbands? Either she raided the Hot Topic section of her local Pokémart, or she’s afraid of getting sweaty wrists when she’s throwing Pokéballs. Fashionable? Non! Necessary? I think not!
And – a white t-shirt? True, it is a wardrobe staple – but not when you’re going off to live in the wilderness for a few days months years. I shudder to think of the Pokédirt, Pokéslobber, and Pokésweat that’ll be coating this unfortunate bit of fabric by the end of the first hour. No one wants to challenge their first gym leader with yellowing pit stains! Not that I sweat, or ever find myself outside – but the mere thought of it is making me shiver in my silk Chanel pyjamas.
The bag and hat I can write off to functionality and some sort of youthful exuberance, but my eye twitch returns as soon as I hit those honking combat boots and black socks. Whoa there, GI Jane, what do you think you’ll be stomping around on? Landmines? I think I nice pair of moccasins (very chic for the fall) or some vintage Puma trainers would be perfectly adequate, and much more fashionable.
Sigh. Young lady – toss the shirt, the shorts and the vest. Replace with a pair of YSL jodhpurs (so fun! so fashionable!), a colourful tee with blouson (in case it gets cold!), and a sturdy, but soft pair of suede moccaboots and voila! I’m no longer embarrassed to be seen, and I’m the envy of all the cookie cutter NPCs in the land!
Now don’t even get me started on her best friend…
Au revoir for now!